You Oughta Know

I enjoy a good laugh. Ask anyone who knows me, they will tell you absolutely and without a doubt, that laughing is one of my very favorite things to do. I laugh so long and hard, by my lonesome, that from afar it could appear that I'm having a stroke or type of seizure. Onlookers have asked if I needed help, no joke. It's that "seizure/thrust/laugh" thing...ya know...mouth open wider than it's ever meant to be, doubling over, clutching at my abdominal "muscles" (the word 'muscles' is in quotes because laughing is the only exercise they get and cannot actually be called 'muscles'), eyes shut tight with barely a sliver to see out of. THEN my body likes to combine ALL of these graceful movements with a rocking motion. Sometimes front to back, sometimes side to side, depends on the day. Often I'll tie it all together with a snort or chortle of some kind, possibly a knee slap for added panache.

Okay, hold that vision in your mind. I know, it's such a pretty one so it won't be too hard...
The reason I'm going into such detail about my obvious affinity for laughter is because I'm going to be writing about some not-so-funny subjects. Some of them will be difficult to read and I imagine it will be the hardest for people who knew me when. When I wasn't a self-proclaimed alcoholic/addict. I intend to be rigorously honest about the progression of my disease and about some of the things I did while in my active addiction. You'll also read about trauma that I've gone through that sent me searching for a quiet mind as a young adult. I spent the first half of my life in the dark, "protected" from the truth about this genetic disease that mutated all over my family tree and I just REALLY, REALLY wish that someone had told me the truth.

So, with that said, if you are uncomfortable with some of the subject matter or start to feel sad for me or...whatever...please think of me in that brilliant "seizure/thrust/laugh" thing, with a halo of sunlight around me. Because everything that I have survived, experienced, lived through, defeated, won or lost, in my 34 years of life...

...has given me THAT laugh.