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When I first heard the news about Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, my first prayer was for their families who are now left with questions that will haunt them every day for the rest of their lives. The second one was for the departed themselves, hoping that they can find peace wherever they have traveled to. When tragedies such as these occur there is a collective outcry that reverberates like a steel drum. It ricochets and boomerangs to every corner of the globe asking, "why - how could they do this - they had everything they could ever want."
My very next thought was; I know why. I don't need any questions answered. I could write a book report on why they did it. Every single person on this planet who suffers with an invisible mental illness, knows too.
It is so easy to put celebrities on a pedestal. They live in the clouds and we believe that because they have money and all things material they are not affected by the world like we are, down here on Earth. They had worked their entire lives and struggled through obstacles and came out on the other side, they had made it. They had defeated their demons and made their dreams come true. These were the giants that we looked toward and up to, the success stories we read, the idols we admired. The superheros. They make us laugh when we can't smile. They decorate our stark white walls with beautiful, and rich art. They make us believe in love and put color in our wardrobe, they show us different locales and cultures of places and people we might never have seen. They create music and through that music they invoke deep and meaningful emotion in their audience. Through the wonder of media, we are able to watch their every move. So many things, they do. So many wonderful, beautiful things.
Back to why; I know why because I have been to that crossroads more times than I care to remember. I have stood at the edge of a cliff looking over my shoulder at the faces of the people that love me, pleading me to stay and then down into the dark hole where nothingness was coaxing me closer to the edge. The reason I know why is because the level of hopelessness that is felt in those moments is the lowest level possible. I know why because I understand that in that fog there is no possible way out of the despair. No lights to lead the way, no lighthouses or beacons. Just a dense fog.
Mental illness will not discriminate, it affects you and I, we and us, they and them, those people over there and the ones back there too. Imagine them bouncing on a Pogo stick and simultaneously spinning plates. They do this in order to make everyone watching believe that they are okay. But missing in their circus act are things they don't, won't...or cannot do. They will bolt their door so as not to let anyone in and neither will they thaw the ice blocks on their arms in order to reach out. They will not let anyone know the pain they are in. They will not be able to see past their self-centered mental state of misery. Those that make the decision to take their own life, can see no other way of silencing their disease, no compromises or plea deals. For them, it is the only way. It deeply saddens me that people all over the world refuse to wait just one more day but I also understand why they cannot.
I am so grateful that there has been someone to hold my hand through the fog during the worst times. Slowly but surely I am more easily able to remind myself that everything is temporary, and that I can ask my HP for help.
Let us all remember that mental illness does not skip a generation, medication may or may not help, it is stealthy and focused, it is invisible. It is just as real as the phone you're holding and if anything else can be learned or taken away from the recent deaths of those beloved artists and creators, let it be this:
<3 coco
My very next thought was; I know why. I don't need any questions answered. I could write a book report on why they did it. Every single person on this planet who suffers with an invisible mental illness, knows too.
It is so easy to put celebrities on a pedestal. They live in the clouds and we believe that because they have money and all things material they are not affected by the world like we are, down here on Earth. They had worked their entire lives and struggled through obstacles and came out on the other side, they had made it. They had defeated their demons and made their dreams come true. These were the giants that we looked toward and up to, the success stories we read, the idols we admired. The superheros. They make us laugh when we can't smile. They decorate our stark white walls with beautiful, and rich art. They make us believe in love and put color in our wardrobe, they show us different locales and cultures of places and people we might never have seen. They create music and through that music they invoke deep and meaningful emotion in their audience. Through the wonder of media, we are able to watch their every move. So many things, they do. So many wonderful, beautiful things.
Back to why; I know why because I have been to that crossroads more times than I care to remember. I have stood at the edge of a cliff looking over my shoulder at the faces of the people that love me, pleading me to stay and then down into the dark hole where nothingness was coaxing me closer to the edge. The reason I know why is because the level of hopelessness that is felt in those moments is the lowest level possible. I know why because I understand that in that fog there is no possible way out of the despair. No lights to lead the way, no lighthouses or beacons. Just a dense fog.
Mental illness will not discriminate, it affects you and I, we and us, they and them, those people over there and the ones back there too. Imagine them bouncing on a Pogo stick and simultaneously spinning plates. They do this in order to make everyone watching believe that they are okay. But missing in their circus act are things they don't, won't...or cannot do. They will bolt their door so as not to let anyone in and neither will they thaw the ice blocks on their arms in order to reach out. They will not let anyone know the pain they are in. They will not be able to see past their self-centered mental state of misery. Those that make the decision to take their own life, can see no other way of silencing their disease, no compromises or plea deals. For them, it is the only way. It deeply saddens me that people all over the world refuse to wait just one more day but I also understand why they cannot.
I am so grateful that there has been someone to hold my hand through the fog during the worst times. Slowly but surely I am more easily able to remind myself that everything is temporary, and that I can ask my HP for help.
Let us all remember that mental illness does not skip a generation, medication may or may not help, it is stealthy and focused, it is invisible. It is just as real as the phone you're holding and if anything else can be learned or taken away from the recent deaths of those beloved artists and creators, let it be this:
YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS. I LOVE YOU.
PLEASE WAIT, JUST A LITTLE BIT LONGER.
<3 coco
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